My family....

Every time I go home I realize how much different my family is from me.
So one of my family member is seeing this guy who is older and all he does is give her money. This man just happens to be separated from “his wife”. So I am not ok with her getting too serious about him before he finishes this other business completely. So my aunt calls herself giving me a talk about letting my family member do what she wants; because she has a “good man” who is taking care of her. I later pondered that. So basically, my family member should settle for whatever piece of him she can get because he pays a bill here and there.



So should my family member not ask questions like "when is the divorce going to be finalize?", "do you plan to get it finalized before we get closer?". It seems like she is getting paid not to say anything that might rock the boat. When I suggest she asks questions, everyone tells me to mind my business.


This is nonsense to me. Up until this guy came she was handling her business and I believe when he leaves she will still find a way to handle things. So why is it ok as long as “he takes care of her”. Is it not good that she can take care of herself and not need a man? Is it wrong to be a strong, independent woman? Do I just have too much pride, am I crazy but I am ok with not needing a man to do anything for me (one thing eventually, lol)? I am so heated that my family member and her friends/sisters thinks that because this man gives her money she should accept him with all his unnecessary baggage.

Is he really a “good man” if he moves on to the next woman before finishing what he started with the previous?


So I ask you, are you ok with a man who pays most of your bills and treats you nice but he is still married but separated from his wife? What about a man who is still with his wife but he treats you just as good as the wife, vacations and cars? Am I wrong for wanting better for my family and myself? How much are you willing to accept just because a man pays a bill or two? I have another cousin who has a list of men she calls every month to pay one of her bills. She thinks this is cute but it is not like she stays in a townhouse or anything. I am looking like, if this was working I would be living on the best side of town and in the best apartments ever. I am not lying she called like 3-4 one day asking them each about a different bill that most offered to help her with. I was sitting there imaging if something i could see myself doing. Of course not, I know when GA power and Honda want to be paid, I do not have time to chase behind a man(men) to get them paid.

I guess at the end of the day for some, its not about meeting someone and getting to know them and falling in love. Its about what can you do for me right now!!!!

Got to love family.

Letting him down easy or should you?

Random Nice Guy
So, I am often approached by a lot of guys that I think are the wrong guy, based on very surface things initially. True, but if I am not attracted to your appearance or how you carry yourself, than I am not. Of course the guy I want to approach me just makes eye contact and keeps walking. I can’t even fault the guy that I am un-attracted to for approaching me. At least he has the balls to pursue something that caught his attention. So how do you say I am not interesting in giving you my number without hurting his pride?

Rude Guy
Then what about the guy that gets rude with you because you would not stop and talk to them or give them your number? I do not like the guys who can’t handle rejection like men. I try to get rude with him but sometimes they bring it out of me.

Acquaintance
What about the guy you know from another setting, say church, school, or work? You have told him numerous of times you are not interested in anything other than a friendship, but he persists. What do you say or do in order to ensure you handle the situation delicate as possible because you will see him again? What if you have said it nicely, and sometimes even try to avoid him but he still persists?

My situation 1
One key thing is consistency. If you say I am not interested in you, but you let him take you out and buy you drinks, he could become confused. The same thing is true if you allow him to say flirty things, us women can be flirty and not really realize it or do we? Our smallest gesture can be perceived as interest. I once had a co-worker who was clearly interested. I would hang out with him initially but when I realized that there was nothing there for me, I explained to him and started to limit my along time with him. We went to the same church as well, so I saw him pretty often. So even in our smallest interactions, he would ask me over and over again if I was sure. Once he said he was hungry and needed $5 for MacDonald’s. I only had $2 on me and I gave it to him and he asked me again standing right there if i was sure that I did not like him. I am left standing there thinking what did I do but me my nice self. So should I not be nice to the guy that I am not interested in so he will not misinterpret my kindness?

My situation 2
The other key is do you want the attention that the guy is providing with his persistence? If you kind of like all the attention, then maybe you are not trying hard enough to get rid of him. If the guy thinks you like it even a little bit that is enough fuel to keep him going and trying harder and harder. For example, when I am out and a guy approaches me I usually smile and say no thank you. If I stand there longer he will try something different to try to get me to reconsider. So I have learned to just say no and walk away. Otherwise, he has put in 1 hour of work and now I feel like I should at least give him some body’s number. Lol. Another example, is this dude from my church, I told him I did not like him like that and I do not see us in a relationship but he still texts me and I texts him when I am bored as well. So I guess you can say I like the attention. So it is understandable why he texts me consistently. Although, I think we need to limit our communications due to his current situation.

What do you ladies think? How do you say NO to guys (persistent bastards, lol)?

Confusing Love with Obsession

Ladies...So I was faced with a situation, where this guy was so head of hills for me despite my lack of reciprocation. So I decided to research and see if I was crazy or if he really was. I came arose this interesting information and wanted to share, in case one of you ladies find yourselves here. Or may someone else has experienced a similar situation...please share.

For an immature, female, the initial phases will seem cute and like he is really into you until he shows up at your job and/or threats you.

Common Behaviors of People Who Confuse Love With Obsession.....

Phase One: The Attraction Phase

• An instant attraction to romantic interest, usually occurring within the first few minutes of meeting.
• An immediate urge to rush into a relationship - regardless of compatibility.
• Becoming "hooked on the look" of another, focusing on the person's physical characteristics while ignoring personality differences.
• Unrealistic fantasies about a relationship with a love interest, assigning "magical" qualities to an object of affection.
• The beginnings of obsessive, controlling behaviors begin to manifest.

Phase Two: The Anxious Phase

• Unfounded thoughts of infidelity on the part of a partner and demanding accountability for normal daily activities.
• An overwhelming fear of abandonment, including baseless thoughts of a partner walking out on the relationship in favor of another person.
• The need to constantly be in contact with a love interest via phone, email or in person.
• Strong feelings of mistrust begin to emerge, causing depression, resentment and relational tension.
• The continuation and escalation of obsessive, controlling behaviors.

Phase Three: The Obsessive Phase

• The onset of "tunnel vision," meaning that the relationally dependent person cannot stop thinking about a love interest and required his or her constant attention.
• Neurotic, compulsive behaviors, including rapid telephone calls to love interest's place of residence or workplace.
• Unfounded accusations of "cheating" due to extreme anxiety.
• "Drive-bys" around a love interest's home or place of employment, with the goal of assuring that the person is at where "he or she is supposed to be."
• Physical or electronic monitoring activities, following a love interest's whereabouts throughout the course of a day to discover daily activities.
• Extreme control tactics, including questioning a love interest's commitment to the relationship (guilt trips) with the goal of manipulating a love interest into providing more attention.

Phase Four: The Destructive Phase

• Overwhelming feelings of depression (feeling "empty" inside).
• A sudden loss of self-esteem, due to the collapse of the relationship.
• Extreme feelings of self-blame and at times, self-hatred.
• Anger, rage and a desire to seek revenge against a love interest for breaking off the relationship.
• Denial that the relationship has ended and attempting to "win a loved one back" by making promises to "change".
• The use of drugs, alcohol, food or sex to "medicate" the emotional pain.

Your man friends or lack there of

This is a follow up on my friends’ blog from the other day.
What are your thoughts about dating a guy who values the opinions of his friends and his image way too much?
I once dated a guy who thought the image of looking weak in front of his boys was never going to happen. He valued what his friends thought more than me, always trying to impress them. He would front like he was running things so they would respect him. But it was at my expense, as I would looked at like a fool. Are you willing to play the nice, sweet, obedient girlfriend so your boyfriend looks good in front of his friends?

How would you feel if you dated a guy who did not have ANY friends?
A couple of weeks ago I watched the movie "I love you man". Basically this couple was about to get married and the groom did not have any close friends therefore no best man. So the couple spent most of their time together although she had friends. So when her friends gave her a shower at their place he showed up and started eavesdropping again, he had no friends to hang out with. So it became apparent that he needed some friends. So people tried to set him up with friends (it was like blind dating for friends). I am not sure if I could date a guy with no friends. I mean initially it would be great to have all his attention but sometimes I want to get out with the girls and if he doesn’t have friends and will just have to stay in, I can see myself feeling sorry for him or he wanting me to stay in and keep him company. What do you think?

Now if I am dating a guy and as we become closer, we do not hang out with friends as much but not to the point of isolation from friends and family. I think its important to have a balance. There are more people in the world than me and him so interacting with others is healthy to our relationship. Every activity does not have to be together. What makes us unique is that we like different things. So I understand that compromise is about doing things you might not like to do, but is it ok to do some things separate? Is it not being needy to want a guy to be involved in all your extra-curricula activities. Think of it like this, say it ends (you know I don’t keep men around long), and you have allowed him to become your everything, every pastime is spent together, you lost communication with friends, then the breakup will be even more difficult. I mean do you still go to the same sporting spot, coffee shop, gym, etc. if there is a chance he might be there?

I think in a healthy relationship, yes time is important but quality not quantity time. I think there should be moments where he hangs with the boys and I hang with my girls, preferably on the same night so one is not at home bored and "trying to find something to get into". So if you are this adventurous person, always out and about and then you start dating this guy and months into it you are not as adventurous, check the relationship.
He might need some FRIENDS!

Am I the only one who feels this way?

Friends, how many of us have them?

I am so blessed to have a few close friends. I have never had droves and droves of friends. At first that would bother me when I noticed that my friends had lots of friends and I only had a few. But then I realized that quality does not matter but quantity friendships do. So I must say I value all my current friendships. It is important to constantly evaluate your friendships.
I have a new set of friends that I met through my graduate studies. They have been such a blessing to me and it is because of them and their individual friendships that we have established that I am still progressing through the program. Love you all! Anyway, some of us went to dinner the other day. One friend was sharing some wisdom that stuck with me. She said that life is about levels. We all should work on getting to the next level. But some friendships will not make it to the next level. This is so true. People come into our lives for seasons. The worst thing you can do is try to hold onto people outside of their season. They will only die on you like a plant out of its season. All your friendships should deposit into your life just as much as they withdraw. Otherwise the friendship will be unbalanced and you will be doing all the giving, calling, supporting, and uplifting when you need the same things as well.

When evaluating your friends, keep in mind you need different types of friends in order to be well rounded. My pastor taught one time, “If everyone in your crew is on your level, then you aren’t growing, you are just having fun. Don’t trade growth for fun”. Don’t get me wrong, you need a couple of “Fun” friends, but you need “Growth” friends as well. You need friends who push you to be better. You need friends who believe in you. You need a friend to pull your head out of the clouds too, but they should not kill all your dreams. ---side note: check a friend who always talks you out of every dream you share with them—when was the last time they dreamed? – your dreaming takes them out of their comfort zone and now they have to see why they aren’t dreaming for better things as well. You need friends who are risk takers, entrepreneurs, creative, and spiritual.

Limit your interactions, even with family, if they are always negative. If they can’t see the positive in any situation, then they will most likely convince you to view the situation the same. This person’s outlook is always bad or worst; they will only bring you down. Too much negativity is not good for you. You want to be around optimistic people, who can find something good no matter how dim the situation looks. You find out you have an unusual check up and they immediately say its cancer or that’s going to be bad. That is not a person that you need to spend a lot of time with because before you know it, you will start to think just like them. You will always think the worst and that things can’t get better. I have made up excuses to get off the phone with people, when I felt the conversation was going to be all negative and their mind was made up. I can allow my friends to have pity parties but I will decline my invite and/or the surprise party. I have too much going for me, God has been too good to me for me to sit around and only think negatively. I believe that God has many other great things in store for me. We have to be careful with our thoughts because they can manifest themselves into realities.

Ok. I really hate forwards (emails, texts). But this one was really great, so I wanted to share.

God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED - To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be. Dear God: The lady reading this is beautiful, classy and strong, and I love her. Help her live her life to the fullest. Please promote her and cause her to excel above her expectations. Help her shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love. Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs you the most, and let her know when she walks with you, She will always be safe. Now you're on the clock! In 9 minutes something will make you happy. But you have to tell 9 sisters you love them, including me. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

Of course, I do not push forwarding this to 9 people or you will be doomed, but if you were inspired then inspire someone else.

Love ya,
Olivia

p.s. sorry took so long, last week was CRAZY, BUT God will give me a better week!